We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
