Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
