I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
