Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
