you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
