I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The uberlube is also flammable
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
