my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
