So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
