Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize