Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
