Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
someone owes me an orgasm
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
