I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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