Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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