I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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