I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
