please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize