my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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