Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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