toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
