I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
