i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
