Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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