So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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