my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
