I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize