"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
