i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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