This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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