Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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