He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
