All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize