Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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