How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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