just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
