I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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