you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
