hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
