Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
