like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
