none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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