i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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