Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
