Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
