yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I cockslap morals
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
