Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
