You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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