my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
