he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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