So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
