Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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