im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
