Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
