you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
