Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
