I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
