My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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