I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
