dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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