Me too!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
