i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
false alarm. still invincible.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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