I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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