thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
