The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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