She said her name was "party"
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
