Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
