If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
