I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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