I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
