We won't sleep together?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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