mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
