You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
