You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
