totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
