Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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