I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
two words...techno handjob
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
