I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
