Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
