Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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