I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
