I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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