You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
