Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
