Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
