i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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