When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
