Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
