I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
