my sisters under your porch take her home
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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