so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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